Life Issues In-Focus for a selfempowered, meaningful and fulfilled life - Overcoming Codependency

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Codependency refers to an obsessive need for affection, attention and affirmation that is the result of the neglect of basic needs for nurturing, protection and appreciation in childhood and cultural patterns of mixing up being 'good' with being codependent.

Codependent people get easily drawn into the pain and problems of others. They lack clear boundaries that often got invaded in childhood through abuse.

If you wonder if you are codependent, ask yourself:

* Do you feel responsible to help people solve their problems while ignoring your own?

* Do you look outside yourself for meaning, identity and value?

* Do you say yes when you mean no?

* Do you tend to blame others for your unhappiness, failures and frustrations?

The deep need to be saved from inner loneliness and emptiness can turn into a desperate, needy search for a romance that makes you vulnerable for being used by people. This neediness will draw partners into your life that want to have their needs fulfilled and will have little concern for your feelings or needs.

You may also find yourself projecting this need on to another person, usually an addict in an attempt to save 'him'. Saving 'him' will not solve your problem. In the opposite: If you stay long enough in an unfulfilling relationship you become accustomed to unhappy situations, which then again will make you an easy target for being used.

How can you break this vicious cycle and overcome codependency?

First of all, make your needs and interests your priority. What do you need to do to be good to yourself, to love yourself, to appreciate the good things in you and in your life?

Start to take stock in the people you have surrounded yourself with. Are they as concerned with your needs and feelings as you are with theirs? You may need to detach yourself from some of these people, maybe even your partnership at least until you have taken time to start taking care of yourself.

Learn to say No when you mean No. Practice setting up boundaries that are firm and flexible. Saying No can be as easy as just not answering the phone.

Romance, alcohol, drugs and sex are not appropriate tools for overcoming codependency or filling your inner emptiness. Instead focus on enjoying the single life, as you develop a wide variety of interests and activities, meet people, and make new friends. With interests and activities and a good network of friends and acquaintances, the inner emptiness and the painful longing will cease.

This may be easier said than done. In my work with codependency during the last 35 years I discovered that most people do need extra help in shifting the energetic patterns that underlie codependent habitual emotions and responses and in building up healthy relationship patterns and communication skills.

In my book: Growing through Joy (Ebook version: Beyond suffering) you find a comprehensive description of the different stages of love with its own qualities and challenges to give you a braoder view of the context of codependency. You will also find a hands-on manual in this book on how to strengthen a positive Self

As a response to this situation, I have also explored with great success the use of distance courses which aim to develop and strengthen your positive Self, to recognise and transform negative life patterns, to access your inner resources and to use them to live a selfempowered, healthy, meaningful and fulfilled life.

With this work, I am delighted to share forty years of research, work with thousands of people from all over the world and a lifelong experience of Selfgrowth and transformation with you to assist you in overcoming codependent patterns faster, less painful and more effective.

Distance courses work with wave patterns that reach beyond time and space. Personal presence is not required to fully benefit from it. You can sit comfortably at home and pace the process according to your needs.

During the course, you have a community of peers in the form of a forum and chat with whom you can share your questions, goals and results to deepen and enrich your experience

The benefit of these courses for you will be to

• Get clear on what you want for your own life
• Become aware of cultural patterns of thinking, feeling and behaviour that keep you in unhealthy relationships
• Gain insight into the underlying structure of codependent patterns
• Let go of life-depleting attitudes and habits that don't serve you any longer
• Have your resonance transformed and optimised for the attitudes, thought patterns, feelings and behaviours that will drive you towards a self empowered, healthy and fulfilled life
• Learn skills to manage your everyday life
• Have professional and peer support to achieve what makes your life fulfilled

Changes will occur naturally, without effort and struggle. You can choose the pace that best fits your needs.

You are also very welcome to activate your own self help resources. I offer books, free articles and a free course with suggestions of how to overcome codependency.

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In this section you will find practical ebooks and programs that offer further assistance to empower your life and to overcome specific problems.

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