In the distance courses, I often go back to childhood events who still impact our behaviour today. In one of the sessions two events around the age of five and 18 came up.
I ask participants to tune in and see what kind of events come up for their personal life.
One of the participants wrote about her childhood events:
At age 18 I was living at home with my parents, the oldest of a family of five children. I was at university and still living at home - my parents’ choice, not mine. I had a conflict with my parents over wanting to leave home to live with my boyfriend, and over wanting to leave university.
One day I had a bad row with my father over this and he lost control and beat me very badly about the face. I left home later that same day and went to live with my boyfriend.
Shortly after my boyfriend started behaving oddly towards me, being very controlling and showing a tendency towards violence. One day he told me that he had a “cruel streak” in him - I was shocked, especially by the realisation that he knew it and seemed happy to be that way. I was afraid of him and also of my parents, afraid to return home to them. I continued to live with my boyfriend and became a battered wife, unable to resolve or leave
this situation. I eventually left him when I was 23 years old.
During my time with him I suffered sexual abuse, and emotional and psychological abuse. I was alone without friends and lived totally for him, doing only what he wanted. I had no money for myself, despite working full time, and no time to be by myself. Sometimes I would lock myself in the toilet to cry, but even then I couldn’t stay long because he be suspicious and want to know what I was doing.
If I cried in front of him he was likely to beat me for that, so I learned to hold in my tears and not cry in front of him. I learned to disassociate from my own feelings and wishes, and to disembody myself during sex. This was the only way I could cope. It has taken me years of inner work and therapy to unravel all of this and realise what was going on within me and free myself from it, and teach myself other behaviour.
Recently, as part of my recovery from being very ill with an underactive thyroid, I have done some very deep inner work, particularly through hypnosis, to resolve some of the issues I still had around men, sex, and relationships with men. I still had more releasing to do around my first husband and also my mother and my father.
I uncovered a memory of sexual abuse by my father somewhere around the age of 3-6 years of age. This is still hard for me to accept as a reality because I don’t remember it with my conscious mind. On another level, remembering it has given me a deep sense of relief, of being in contact with my own power, myself, my centre, and makes sense of some aspects of our family, and relationships within the family, which didn’t add up before. It has given me the sense of - ” Ah, now I know who I am”.
I also reached, in the hypnosis, a deep place where I could find love and forgiveness for both of my parents and for my husband. I recognise this as the true path to healing, for all concerned. Also, as a result of this work with hypnotherapy, I have lost the sense that I had of being a victim and also of not liking myself, or that it was impossible for anyone else to like me, or for any man to be attracted to me. I have also woken up to a greater sense of responsibility for my ownlife and what happens in it.
This hypnotherapy I did just two weeks before the start of this repatterning on love, and just a few days after signing up for it. It was very intense therapy consisting of a three
hour session each day for four consecutive days. I feel it cleared a lot for me and I am now in the integration process.
With the first two sessions I was beginning to wonder how relevant they were for me but now I see! Like you, I am always amazed by the accuracy of H.R. Had either one of these age groups come up by itself in this session, I may have still been able to regard it as
a coincidence, but both of these most significant times in my life coming up in the same session!
Now I wonder if I was sufficiently tuned into that first session, or if I should have made more effort to give feedback then. I think I have been slow off the mark to engage properly with being in this process, but suddenly now feel very engaged, especially after having written my feedback.
Talking to you on the phone,Ulla, has helped too. And so has getting connected up with the internet- a learning process in itself, but I’m pleased to have succeeded!
Check out frequently asked questions around the distance courses here
