One day, when I was preparing to move into the Findhorn community in the Northeast of Scotland, my mother brought a large package from the attic storage and said, “I have kept your toys for you. I thought that it would be lovely for you to have them as mementos? Oh, what painful embarrassment shook me as I rummaged through the box. On its floor lay the wooden doll. Nothing was left of the splendor, which had invested the early childhood days, but she had endured through this long time unharmed.
The shock shattered the story of the rejected daughter, and with it came the collapse of the carefully built card-house of my memories, my story. It opened my eyes to what had really happened. However, it took some more years of deep and intense work before I could recognize that the fears and scares of my childhood had had little to do with my family, that my mother had loved and valued me as much as I could have wished for, and that she and I were just as human as are all mothers and daughters, with our strengths and weaknesses, personal challenges, failures and successes.
This incident stayed in my mind as a warning while I listened to other people telling their story during therapeutic sessions. I knew now how the brain deludes us by selecting and assembling single aspects of events in such a way that it supports our core beliefs. And the more frequently we tell our story to others, the more we are convinced of its truthfulness. I found that to the same degree that I could penetrate the construction of my own story and release it, I could support others in giving up their story.
This is not as simple as it sounds. We are often fundamentally attached to our perception of reality. It gives us identity, it excuses our weaknesses and it justifies our human laziness. Surely, it is the others who are responsible for our suffering! Why then should we strain ourselves to change our life?
To give up our story means taking responsibility for our life, for all that has happened to us, and for all that we have made out of it.
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