Life Issues In-Focus - Abusive Relationships

Do you want to shift energetic patterns that hold Abusive Relationships in place?

Abusive relationships are about power and control rather than respect and love. Abusive relationships are quite common but not easily recognised as the abusive patterns fit the cultural myth of romantic love.

Through TV, movies and songs, women are taught that true love is to please men and to care for them even at their own expense.

Men get socialised to believe that it is their job to protect women and be in control at all times even within the sexual encounter. Jealousy, possessiveness and even physical or emotional abuse, is often seen as a sign of true love.

The ideal of romantic love suggests that men and women have to devote themselves totally to their partner, often to the exclusion of other relationships and interests. The belief that any relationship, even an abusive one, is better than no relationship at all keeps women and men in unhealthy relationships.

Abusive relationships are happening mostly between a male abuser and a female victim although this pattern is getting more and more reversed.

Abusive relationships that involve the man as the abuser and the woman as the victim often follow a predictable pattern, where a time of closeness and harmony is followed by a period of building tension. The man, often out of jealousy, starts to control, criticise and humiliate his woman. The woman tries to adjust to his demands in order to calm him or to prevent the next abusive attack.

Following the abusive episode, the man exhibits remorsefulness and apologises for his behaviour. He is now caring and promises to work on himself to cease the abuse. She stays out of false hope. Over time, tension builds, promises are replaced by threats and the abuse escalates again.

Within abusive relationships, both genders can take either role or switch between the roles. A persecutor has been a victim before he became a persecutor, and a victim can easily switch into a persecutor often in order to protect him or herself from becoming a victim again.

Abuser and victim share basic characteristics: low self-esteem, insecurity, reluctance or fear to take responsibility for their own life, lack of emotional support and appreciation as children and the sense of being a failure without a mate.

Abusive relationships can be as subtle like brainwashing the partner through verbal attacks, demeaning, criticising or ridiculing him or her or as raw as physical or sexual violence. Alcohol or drugs often trigger this explosive response.

If you are caught in an abusive relationship what can you do to break the cycle?

The first step is to realise that such a relationship is NOT an expression of love but of power and violence that undermines the self worth and trust in life and may lead to depression, illness and increased alcohol and drug use

As the dynamic in abusive relationships tend to exclude the outer world in course of time, itŐs vital to step out of this dynamic and start to talk with others about it.

Talking to others who have had similar experiences can be a life-changing step as it confirms your perception and will help you to trust yourself and your own experiences. There are women's and menŐs help lines that you find on the Internet, or you may consult with your local medical or mental health agencies.

I offer books, free articles and a free course with suggestions of what you can do to cope with such a situation. Just click the link in the main menu to get there.

As abusive relationships are so deeply rooted and supported through cultural myth, you may need extra help in understanding the dynamics of them and in shifting the energetic patterns that hold the persecutor or victim position in place so that you can develop healthy relationship patterns and communication skills.

In my Ebook: Beyond suffering (Printversion: Growing through Joy) you will find a comprehensive description of the different stages of love with its own qualities and challenges to give you a broader view of the context of healthy relationships. You will also find a hands-on manual in this book on how to strengthen a positive Sel



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