Emotional Abuse for Women

Do you want to shift energetic patterns that hold abusive thought forms, emotions and habits in place?

Emotional abuse is about power and control. Emotional abuse is more subtle than physical abuse as there are no obvious signs like broken bones or black eyes. Emotional abuse is harder to identify for the victim, the abuser and the environment.

Emotional abuse is a (mostly unconscious) brainwashing procedure that over time makes the woman into a victim. Out of his own insecurity and dependency needs, the male partner tries to keep control of the time, social contacts, hobbies, work activities and the physical environment of his woman.

Verbal attacks and neglect of or ridiculing the needs of his woman erodes her self-esteem, undermines the trust in herself and her perceptions, increases feelings of fearfulness and anxiety and damages her sense that life has meaning and that the world is a good and safe place.

The woman often believes that she is responsible for how the relationship works. Instead of leaving, she strives to modify her behaviour with the hope of de-escalating or preventing his abuse.

Over time, she gets cut off from people who can support her, gets isolated and lonely, loses her sense of the real life out there and gets caught into the cycle of emotional abuse where there doesn't seem to be an exit. Many get depressed, ill or take refuge to alcohol or drugs.

Emotional abuse often follows a predictable pattern, where a time of closeness and harmony is followed by a period of building tension. The man, often out of jealousy, starts to control, criticise and humiliate his woman. The woman tries to adjust to his demands in order to calm him or to prevent the next abusive attack.

Following the abusive episode, the man exhibits remorsefulness and apologizes for his abuse. He is now caring and promises to work on himself to cease the abuse. She stays out of false hope. Over time, tension builds, promises are replaced by threats and the abuse escalates again.

This cycle of emotional abuse has its roots in a culture where women are taught that true love is to please men and to care for them even at their own expense.

Men are made to believe that it is their job to protect women and be in control at all times. Jealousy, possessiveness and sometimes abuse, is seen as a sign of true love.

The belief that any relationship, even an abusive one, is better than no relationship at all, keeps women and men in unhealthy relationships

If you have been caught in such a cycle, the first step is to realize that emotional abuse is happening and that it is a serious problem that often requires help.

A first resource may be the walk to a bookstore or library or a click through the Internet to find out more about the symptoms of emotional abuse and the underlying dynamics.

Talk to others who have had similar experiences. This can be a life-changing step as it confirms your perception and will help you to trust yourself and your own experiences. There are women's and men's help lines that you find on the Internet, or you may consult with your local medical or mental health agencies.

I offer books, free articles and a free course with suggestions of what you can do to cope with such a situation. Just click the links in the main menu to get there.

In my Ebook: Beyond suffering (Printversion: Growing through Joy) you will find a comprehensive description of the different stages of love with its own qualities and challenges to give you a broader view of the context of emotional abuse.

Dr Ulla Sebastian Personal Growth Resources
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